Island Group Therapy!
by Jane Willow
Summary: With all the crazy stuff everyone has been through in the last five seasons, wouldn't it be a good idea if everyone - living, dead, and missing - sat down to talk about their feelings? Libby thinks so. *S5 spoilers*
1. Daddy Issues

**Daddy Issues:**

Libby: All right everyone, welcome to the Island's first round of Group Therapy. In my opinion, it's long over due. Since I was a clinical psychologist before we crashed, I'll lead us through it. So, who'd like to begin?

Sawyer: Sorry, Nurse Ratched, but this is a stupid idea. Ain't nobody gunna talk about their stupid "feelings". Seriously, considering all that's happened this season, don't we have bigger problems?

Claire: *bitterly* I wouldn't know – I wasn't there.

Libby: All right, all right, let's just calm down. _Anybody_ want to begin?

Sawyer: Like I said –

Jack: I'll begin! Oooh! Me! Me! Pick me!

Everyone: *groans*

Libby: Okay, Jack... what would you like to say?

Jack: Well, I've always had problems with my father...

Sawyer: Jeez, Jack-o-lantern, we all know about that! And we _don't_ wanna hear you cry about it again! Just get over it, will yah?

Jack: *starts to tear up* You never want to talk about my feelings! You never thought I was good enough, I was always doing something wrong! You never believed in me, Daddy! *cries*

Hurley: ...Dude.

Kate: Come on Jack, we _all_ have Daddy issues.

Jack: Yeah, but _you_ haven't been haunted by your father's ghost on the Island!

Kate: Actually…

Sawyer: I'm sorry about that, again, by the way.

Jack: B-but… he was a drunk!

Ben: Yeah, who's _wasn't_?

Walt: Come on, Jack. I never even knew my dad and then he showed up after my mom died because my step-father didn't want me anymore and he flew me back to a country I hadn't been to since I was a toddler after I'd met him all of twenty minutes ago. And I still turned out better then you… and I'm ten!

Jack: Still?

Walt: Uh, yeah, I guess so.

Sawyer: See? Even Short Stuff wants you to cowboy up.

Jack: *sniffles* I guess I see your point… but still!

Locke: Listen Jack, I had daddy issues, too, but everyone gets a new life on this island, Shannon.

Shannon: What?

Locke: I mean _Jack_. Anyways, I'll I'm saying is that this is a place where miracles happen.

Charlie: That's all you _ever_ say.

Locke: Nuh-uh. I also say "don't tell me what I can't do!"

Libby: All right John, you can't change the subject –

Locke: Don't tell me what I can't do! See?

Charlie: I stand corrected.

Libby: Okay, then... so, would anyone like to say anything else on Jack's daddy issues?

Everyone: No!

Libby: Fine. We'll take a short break, then everyone meet back here. There's still a lot more we need to talk about.

Charlie: Hey, Claire, wanna go have a ghost-union-make-out-session in the jungle?

Claire: …most deffinatly.


	2. The Rectangle

**The Rectangle:**

Libby: Everyone back yet?

Faraday: I think so.

Boone: Hey, where's Charlie?

Sun: And Claire?

Kate: Yay! Does this mean I get Aaron back?!

Everyone: No!

Libby: It doesn't matter. We should begin again, anyway. I think there is one big problem that we really need to focus on.

Sawyer: That nobody liked Ana Lucia?

Ana Lucia: Hey!

Libby: No. We need to talk about this crazy love-rectangle you, Kate, Jack, and Juliet have going on.

Sawyer: Oh _that_…

Juliet: Listen, Libby, we're all adults. I'm sure the four of us can deal with this like mature –

Kate: I think –

Juliet: Shut it, bitch!

Michael: _Whoa_.

Libby: See what I mean? So, since Jack started last time, I think this time we'll start with Kate. Kate, let's make this short and sweet, shall we?

Kate: Why?

Shannon: Because nobody cares anymore.

Kate: Fair enough.

Libby: So, Kate, before you got off the Island, why couldn't you choose between Jack and Sawyer?

Kate: Well… I don't know. I guess I don't like to stay in one spot for too long. I run. That's just what I do.

Sawyer: And I con.

Jack: And I fix.

Juliet: And I lie.

Libby: And that's supposed to explain everything?

Kate: I guess so.

Libby: *sighs* I have a feeling we might be at this for a while, so let me just finish it now before we waste any more of our lives on the subject, okay?

Jack: Finish it? You mean, you know who we should be with? I get Kate, don't I? I _knew_ it!

Sawyer: _I_ get Kate, Mc_Dreary_.

Sayid: Hehe… Gray's Anatomy… I get it.

Hurley: Dude… you watch Gray's Antomy?

Sayid: Uh… _no_.

Libby: Pay attention, guys.

Juliet: James! You and I are _happy_ together. Just because she decides to drop back in here and –

Libby: Enough! Want to know who you should all end up with?

The Rectangle: Yes!

Everyone else: We don't care!

Libby: Just listen. The answer has been staring us in the face since day one. Jack… you and Sawyer were always meant for each other.

Kate: _What_!?

Libby: Sorry Kate, you had your chance at happiness with Tom, but… you killed him, remember?

Kate: *hangs head*

Juliet: But what about me?

Libby: Isn't it obvious? You were always meant for Ben!

Juliet: _Noooo_!

Ben: *fist pump*

Faraday: Libby… are you sure about this?

Libby: Yes. Of course I am. That's how it needs to be.

Jack: I'm game if you are, Sawyer.

Sawyer: …I need a beer.

Kate: This _can't_ be right.

Libby: Fine. Don't believe me. You four can just keep fighting it out. But you'll see.

Charlie: *stumbles out of the jungle* Did we miss anything?

Claire: *fixing her hair* Yeah, sorry we're late…

Sayid: Don't worry. Nothing we all haven't heard a _gazillion_ times.

Miles: 'Gazillion' isn't a number, man.

Sayid: Yes it is.

Miles: How do you know?

Sayid: I know everything.

Jack: It's true.

Libby: All right, now that we're all back, let's move on…


	3. Waaaaalt!

**Waaaaalt!:**

Jack: …and then there was this one time a couple of guys jumped Mark Silverman and –

Libby: That's _more_ then enough for now, Jack.

Jack: Yeah, but I haven't even told you about my wife – er, I mean _ex_-wife – Sara, yet!

Michael: Ugh, this is _so_ boring, eh Jin?

Jin: Huh?

Michael: Oh, I forgot. Still not so good with English? That's okay. Probably for the better. I mean, we understood each other pretty well when we were building that raft, but if you had actually spoken English you would have probably found out I had the hots for your wife. But, _man_, Sun is _so_ fine.

Jin: Uh, Michael… I speak English now.

Michael: Oh God. Please don't hit me.

Libby: Michael? Did you just volunteer to go next?

Michael: No.

Libby: I thought I heard you say you wanted to go next.

Ana Lucia: I heard him, too.

Michael: You two are just out to get me, aren't you?

Ana Lucia: Pretty much.

Michael: Fine… I go. *looks around* Hey wait a minute. Where's Walt? Where's my boy? Oh no! Walt! _Waaaaaalt_! They took my boy... right outta my hands!!!

Walt: Dad, I'm right here.

Michael: Oh, my bad.

Libby: So, Michael. You and Walt weren't speaking just before you died, is that right?

Michael: Yeah.

Libby: And why was that?

Michael: I, uh… I told him I killed you and Ana.

Ana Lucia: *cough*Jerk!*cough*

Michael: I _said_ I was sorry.

Libby: And how did that make you feel?

Michael: Killing Ana Lucia? Not _that_ bad, actually…

Libby: No! I mean you and Walt not talking.

Michael: Oh, it was horrible! I even started working for the Others again.

Ana Lucia: The Others! Not them! They're smart and they're animals and if you think one gun and –

Sawyer: Yeah, yeah, Hot Lips, we've heard it all before.

Michael: They're actually way less scary off the Island. Oh, and Tom's gay, by the way.

Kate: Really?

Juliet: Yeah, didn't I tell you? He was totally hitting on Ben and –

Ben: Let's _not_ tell that story.

Libby: Stop changing the subject!

Kate and Juliet: Sorry.

Libby: Anyways, you two are back together now, so is there anything you'd like to say to Walt now?

Michael: I'm sorry and I love you.

Walt: Yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before.

Michael: Well… how can I make it up to you?

Walt: Umm… How about a new Game Boy?

Michael: You got it.

Walt: Oh, and a trampoline!

Michael: Okay.

Walt: And no bed time!

Michael: Sure.

Walt: And a date with Kate!

Michael: No problem.

Kate: _Hey_!

Libby: Sorry Kate. A deal's a deal.

Kate: Can't I at least have Taller Ghost Walt?

Locke: No! He's my friend! Only _I_ can see him.

Kate: But only you can see Jacob! You gotta share.

Ben: I miss Jacob…

Libby: Oh boy. This is turning out to be way harder then I thought.


	4. Charlie

**Charlie:**

Charlie: Uh, Libby?

Libby: Yes, Charlie?

Charlie: I have an issue I'd like to bring up.

Rose: If you're going to start crying about heroin again, I'm going to smack you.

Desmond: Aye, bothah.

Charlie: No, no. It's just that… why was no one said when I died?

Kate: We were sad!

Charlie: Well… not _that_ sad. I mean, Kate, you cried when Ana Lucia and Libby died and you didn't even really know them, but you and I were pretty close and you barely blinked when you found out I drowned.

Kate: Yeah…

Charlie: I'm just saying, I died to save all of you, so… I'm kind of a big damn hero… and you were all more sad when Boone died!

Boone: I died a hero, too! Locke said so!

Locke: Locke also said Ethan was a pretty cool guy, but look how that turned out.

Juliet: Hey, remember how I deliver baby Ethan? That was pretty cool.

Sawyer: Shhh! _Juliet_! Spoilers, much.

Juliet: Sorry.

Charlie: _Anyways_… I just want to know why.

Jack: Well, that's just about the time the people from the freighter came by and we were all pretty busy... It's also about the time when the number of episodes we got was cut, so we were pressed for time. Sorry, buddy.

Charlie: Well… why wasn't Claire even sad?

Claire: I was sad!

Charlie: Okay, you cried _once_. But the next day you were drinking coffee with Kate like nothing happened.

Kate: It's true.

Claire: Uh, well… I didn't want to be sad… around Aaron! Yeah, that's it. I didn't want to upset Aaron.

Libby: Anyone else think it's a weird coincidence that Aaron traded in one fake-drug-addicted-father for another off the Island?

Mr. Eko: Do not mistake coincidence for fate.

Libby: Good point.

Charlie: Come on, guys! I was the best character and no one even cared I died!

Hurley: I cared when you came to see me at the mental hospital!

Desmond: And I named my son after you, brothah!

Charlie: I guess so…

Libby: Charlie, will it make you feel better if we were all sad right now?

Ben: Why would I be sad? I'm never sad when someone died. Unless it's Alex.

Juliet: Shut up, Ben.

Ben: Sorry, Lovie-Bear.

Juliet: James… _do_ something about him.

Libby: Be quiet, Juliet. All right, so everyone – except Ben – is going to be sad for Charlie now, okay?

Charlotte: But… I never even met him.

Charlie: You still love me. Everyone loves me.

Sun: It's true. Even after he stole a baby we still loved him.

Charlie: Let's not go _there_ again.

Libby: Ready everyone? Okay, 1…2…3… be sad!

Everyone: *is sad*

Libby: Feel better, Charlie?

Charlie: Much, thank you.


	5. The Oceanic Six, Amoung Other Things

**The Oceanic Six... Amoung Other Things:**

Libby: Next issue on the agenda…

Sawyer: There's an agenda?

Hurley: Quiet, dude.

Sawyer: Oh sorry. Forgot I was interrupting your _girlfriend_.

Hurley: Hey, shut up, man. You're just mad 'cause you're gunna end up with Jack!

Sawyer: I am not!

Hurley: Are to!

Sawyer: _Am not_!

Desmond: Then who _will_ you end up with, brothah?

Sawyer: Uh…

Juliet: James! We've been together for _three years_!

Sawyer: But... me Sawyer. Me think Kate pretty.

Juliet: Huh?

Sayid: Don't worry. Kate has that effect on most men.

Libby: Moving on. The next issue: The Oceanic Six.

Oceanic Six: *groan*

Libby: Sorry guys, it needs to be discussed.

Sun: But we're back! Well… sort of. I'm kind of… thirty years late. But whatever.

Shannon: Hey, I got a question.

Libby: Go ahead.

Shannon: Why those three?

Libby: 'Why those three' what?

Shannon: Well, their story was that the Oceanic Six survived, along with Boone, you, and Charlie. So, my question to the Oceanic Six… why them? Why not me?

Jin: Or me?

Rose: Or me?

Nikki: Or me?

Kate: 'Cause no one liked you, Nikki.

Claire: You gunna answer the question? 'Cause if you wanna talk about characters people don't like… let's just say people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Kate: …I didn't live in a glass house.

Claire: I rest my case.

Kate: Hey, be nice to me! I raised your son!

Libby: Whoa, whoa. We're getting ahead of ourselves. Back to the question. Jack, would you like to answer it?

Jack: Why, yes I would! I love lying about… er, I mean answering questions about the Oceanic Six story. The truth is, we picked Boone because he tried to send a signal with the beachcraft's radio.

Bernard: I remember that! Good times…

Boone: Not for me… I died right after.

Bernard: Right. Sorry.

Jack: Anyhow, someone else could have heard him, or they could pick up the signal later. You never know. And Charlie talked with Penny, so we thought that someone might pick up _that_ signal, too.

Rose: And why Libby?

Jack: We just liked her.

Shannon: That's nice and all, but why didn't you just tell the truth?

Jack: We had to protect the people we left behind!

Jin: How could everyone thinking we're _dead_ protect us?

Jack: Charles Widmore would have –

Locke: I actually met Widmore. He seems like a pretty nice guy.

Ben: *creepy voice* He's not.

Desmond: Aye, brothah. He's a right douche.

Lapidus: Hey… did we ever figure out if it was Widmore who put that fake plane at the bottom of the ocean, or Ben?

Everyone: No.

Lapidus: Oh. Well, how about why Keamy and his guys wanted Ben so bad?

Everyone: No.

Lapidus: Oh. Well, how about why Miles here wanted 3.2 million dollars in exchange for Ben?

Everyone: No.

Miles: *chuckles* They don't even know why I talk to ghosts yet!

Claire: Hey, you talk to dead people, right?

Miles: Yeah, what about it Blondie?

Sawyer: Hey! That restraining order is still in place there, Ping Pong.

Everyone: Ping Pong?

Sawyer: Hey, I gotta come up with a lot if nicknames… eventually I'm gunna run out!

Claire: Don't worry about him, Sawyer.

Sawyer: You all right, sweetheart?

Charlie: _Sweetheart_?!?! When did Sawyer start calling you _sweetheart_??

Claire: Um… right after you died, actually.

Charlie: _What_!??!!!?!?11one!!?

Libby: Okay Charlie, just calm down.

Charlie: Oi… Anyone got any of those Virgin Mary statues left?

Mr. Eko: Not again, Charlie!

Sawyer: Relax there, Frodo. Me and Missy Claire didn't do nuthin'.

Charlie: It's Merry, actually.

Sawyer: Huh?

Charlie: Never mind.

Libby: We need to get back on track. We were taking about the Oceanic Six lie. Does anyone else have any questions?

Charlotte: Look, I don't need to be rude, but… nobody really cared about the Oceanic Six. People just wanted to know what was going happening on the Island. Taking about them is as pointless as taking about the Rectangle. It's been done to death!

Libby: Point taken.

Charlotte: Speaking of death…

Faraday: Don't say it!

Charlotte: This place is death!

Faraday: Man, it's creepy when she says that.

Charlotte: *gets an idea* Charlie, you got your guitar, right?

Charlie: Always.

Charlotte: You know any Geronimo Jackson?

Charlie: Sure.

Charlotte: You wanna sneak down to the Hatch, crack open a Mary statue and play some?

Charlie: Hell yeah!

Sawyer: Hold on a sec… can I come?

Miles: Me too?

Desmond: And me?

Jack: Will there be booze?

Charlotte: Obviously.

Jack: I'm in.

Libby: Okay, okay. We'll take another _short_ break and all move down to the Hatch. There's sand in my bum, anyways. But no drugs or alcohol!

Charlie and Jack: _Suurre_… *wink*


	6. The Shepards

**The Shepards:**

Libby: *annoyed* All right, so have we all settled into the Hatch?

Desmond: Sistah, I never wanted to come back here. Just lookin' at that computah ovah there makes me bloody mental.

Libby: Then why'd you come?

Desmond: The booze helps.

Libby: Excellent. All right, so well Charlotte, Jack, Desmond, Sawyer, and Charlie –

Sun: So basically everyone cool?

Sayid: No. I'm still here.

Libby: It doesn't matter. While they're off engaging in some questionable recreational activities, why don't we all continue?

Miles: As fun as all this has been… haven't we had enough for now? I'm tired.

Claire: Yeah, and I need to feed Aaron.

Kate: I'll do it!

Claire: But… I'm back now. You don't need to raise Aaron anymore.

Kate: *leans over to Ben* You still in the baby-knapping business?

Ben: We'll talk later.

Libby: That brings us the an excellent point. Claire, how do you feel about Kate raising your son?

Claire: Well… considering I was locked up in a creepy cabin with my undead father after I left him alone in the middle of the jungle and was possibly on some sort of heavy drugs… I guess I understand why she did it. But…. I don't understand why they could have just told the truth. I mean, couldn't they have said I was one of the people who survived on the Island, gave birth then died? And then Kate could have adopted him legally.

Libby: A valid point.

Jack: *stumbles in* Is s-s-someone funning make of my lie?

Libby: Jack, you're drunk.

Jack: Shut up, Daddy! You never loved me!

Libby: Forget it. Kate, would you like to comment on what Claire has said?

Kate: Can't I just go get drunk and have cage-sex with Sawyer?

Jack: Hey! ..._I_ wanna have cage-sex with Sawyer.

Everyone: What?!

Jack: Err… I mean…

Hurley: Dude.

Ana Lucia: Forget this. I'm going to get drunk. Who's with me?

Miles: I am. Hey… will you hook up with me later? I'm pretty much the only guy left without a love interest.

Ana Lucia: *looks him up and down* We'll see how drunk I get.

Libby: *sighs* Kate?

Kate: Look, I'm sorry I stole your son away from you and lied about him and kept him from your mother and never told him anything about you and –

Claire: Wait… My _mother_?

Jack: Oh yeah… s-she's coma of the out.

Jin: My English is still a little sketchy… what the hell did he just say?

Locke: No one is every really sure what he says. Unless he says "live together, die alone". We get that… kinda.

Jack: She's out of her coma!

Claire: Oh my God! How do you know?

Jack: She was at my father's funeral…

Claire: Why?

Jack: Because they had a fling back in the day. And then nine months later you came along.

Claire: You mean…?

Hurley: Claire's mother is Jack step-aunt who double crossed his father who is also his cousin by telling him Claire was his daughter but was actually his real mother?

Sun: _What_?

Hurley: Dude, I'm so confused.

Claire: I'm your sister!?

*dramatic music*

Jack: Yup.

Libby: Wow… you're family is _so_ messed up.


	7. Shoone

**Shoone:**

Claire: Jack… you're really my brother?

Jack: Sure am.

Claire: You are? A-are you positive?

Jack: Yup.

Claire: And not Sawyer?

Jack: Nuh-uh.

Claire: Or Desmond?

Jack: Nope.

Claire: Not Sayid or Hurley or Boone or Daniel?

Jack: Just me.

Claire: But… that's just not fair! *cries*

Libby: There, there. It's not so bad.

Jack: What's _that_ supposed to mean?

Jin: Quick, someone say something before Jack starts crying again!

Jack: *whimpering* You mean you don't love me? Because my daddy never loved me, either!

Locke: Oh no…

Jack: Why didn't you love me, Daddy, _why_?

Everyone: *looks around*

Jack: *cries*

Everyone: *is uncomfortable*

Boone: I had sex with my sister!

Everyone: *is _more_ uncomfortable*

Libby: Oh dear…

Shannon: _Boone_! Are you _high_?

Sayid: Is he telling the truth, Shannon?

Shannon: No, I uh… he just… he means… it's a metaphor!

Sayid: A metaphor?

Shannon: Exactly! Boone was using 'sex' as a metaphor. Obviously.

Sayid: And, Boone, what exactly is 'sex' a metaphor for?

Boone: I dunno… intercourse?

Mr. Eko: I think I'm going to be sick.

Hurley: Dude… me, too.

Libby: Okay… this clearly needs talking about. Sorry Jack, we'll have to come back to you.

Michael: _Yes_.

Boone: Don't worry. She's my _step_-sister. That makes it not creepy. …Right?

Hurley: Still creepy, dude.

Boone: Yeah, but she seduced me! It wasn't my fault!

Libby: Did you really seduce your brother, Shannon?

Shannon: Oh God… do you think Desmond has any of that MacCutcheon whiskey left?

Desmond: *stumbles* Sorry sistah.

Libby: Shannon, I think I'd like you sober for this.

Shannon: Well… I only slept with him because I was drunk! And his mother stole my money!

Hurley: So, he said he'd give the money back is you did it with him?

Shannon: Well, no…

Michael: Oh, so you did it to piss off his mother?

Shannon: Well… not exactly…

Sun: I don't know why you guys are so confused. Of _course_ she did Boone. I mean… he's effing _hot_.

Jin: _Sun_! That's very unlady-like.

Sun: Yeah, but I kinda cut that lady-like crap out, anyways. Now I'm pwn-tasitc.

Faraday: Excuse me?

Ben: Pwn-tastic… you know, she's a bamf.

Faraday: I understand a lot of things, but I can't get this…

Juliet: Dan, she just means that she is very tough now and can take on a lot of people – and win. See? For instance, the time she pwned Ben with the paddle with Lapidus.

Ben: I still haven't forgotten that.

Libby: We're getting off topic.

Sayid: Yes… but maybe that's for the best. I am feeling very uncomfortable with this topic.

Jack: Only because you hit Shannon after she hit Boone. Hey… it's kinda like _you_ did _Boone_!

Sayid: No it is not! If that were true, then it would be as if you had sex with Sawyer, seeing as Kate slept with both of you!

Hurley: Burn.

Libby: *is frustrated* Okay, okay, let's not insult each other.

Jack: She's right. Live together, die alone!

Rose: *punches Jack in the face*

Jack: I will not cry, I will not cry...

Kate: This is getting ridiculous.

Juliet: Whatever. Jears kinda get me off.

Claire: I wonder what the cool kids are doing right now…


	8. The Cool Kids

**The Cool Kids:**

Charlotte: Turn it up! I _love_ Geronimo Jackson!

Charlie: This is so much better then therapy! Hey, do we have any more Virgin Mary statues?

Miles: Here you go. So, you said you were in a band?

Charlie: Yup. DriveShaft. Pretty cool, eh?

Miles: Not _that_ cool. I mean, I can talk to dead people.

Ana Lucia: We know that, Sixth Sense. But how come you never talked to any of us dead people?

Miles: I talked to Naomi.

Ana Lucia: Who?

Desmond: A girl from the freighter.

Charlie: From the what?

Desmond: From 'Not Penny's Boat'.

Charlie: Gottcha.

Miles: And I talked to Karl and Danielle.

Ana Lucia: Who?

Miles: It doesn't matter.

Sawyer: I miss Karl.

Desmond: *pats his shoulder* It's all right, brotha.

Charlotte: You guys are such women.

Ana Lucia: I hear that.

Charlotte: It's too bad we never met, eh?

Ana Lucia: That's what fan fiction is for, Ginger.

Sawyer: Haha! Ginger. That's a good one.

Ana Lucia: Are you drunk?

Sawyer: Extreamly.

Ana Lucia: Wanna get it on again?

Sawyer: I'm kinda in a committed relationship with a woman I really love…

Ana Lucia: But I'm _way_ hotter then Juliet. Plus... she's an Other.

Sawyer: You make a good point. Let's go.

Miles: Hey! I thought you were gunna get with _me_, Ana!

Ana Lucia: Sorry, Mikey.

Miles: _Miles_.

Ana Lucia: Whatever. Sawyer's too hot to pass up.

Sawyer: _Sana rules_!

Charlie: Chana's pretty sweet, too.

Desmond: So is Chesmond.

Charlie: Huh?

Desmond: *raises eyebrow*

Charlie: Oh… *is uncomfortable*

Desmond: Whatevah, brotha. Desyid is way better, anyways.

Charlotte: Whatever. We all know Charladay pretty owns as far as ships go.

Miles: It's true.

Everyone: *agrees*

Claire: Hey guys, can I join?

Charlie: Sure you can, Claire! How's therapy going?

Claire: Bloody awful. I need a drink. Jack's my brother. How weird is that?

Charlie: At least _I'm_ not your brother. _That'd_ be weird.

Claire: Yeah, well, speaking of brother and sister, er… _relations_. Boone and Shannon totally did it!

Charlotte: Ew.

Charlie: Ew.

Desmond: Ew.

Miles: Sweet.

Desmond: Where's your kid, Claire?

Claire: Oh, I left him with Kate for a while. After watching _Whatever Happened, Happened_, I just had to forgive her. Just like everyone else in the world.

Miles: *nods* You think Kate would do me?

Claire: Probably not.

Miles: The Island whore won't even do me! Ugh…

Charlie: Hey, guys, am I _really_ high or is that the Smoke Monster?

Alex: Hey all, Ben said that… Oh, Smokey, there you are!

Smokey: *exists*

Desmond: You're not scared of this thing, sistah?

Alex: Oh no. He was like my pet when I was kid. *high voice* come 'ere Smokey-Wokey! Come see Alex! Who's a good evil-monster-scary-limb-ripper-keeper-of-the-underworld? You are! You are!

Charlie: Claire, wanna do it again?

Claire: I am _so_ glad I left therapy.

Alex: Hey, you guys got booze and drugs and rock and roll?

Charlotte: Hell yeah!

Alex: I am _so_ in.

Miles: Hey… wanna do it?

Alex: *thinks* You think it will piss off my dad?

Miles: Most likely.

Alex: Okay then.

Miles: _Yes_!!!


End file.
